There has been much feedback from the last Web. All are interested in Tony, and each has the image they have formed of him to themselves, and any new trait that does not fit the image, disturbs. In Chile they never forgave me for saying Tony wore a wig. He did wear one. You have only to look carefully at his photograph on the cover of my book “Unencumbered by Baggage” to realize it), but that did not fit with what his readers imagined or idealized him to be. He was not quite bald, but he had little hair and he wore a wig.

I’ll tell you some Sadhana stories. Phrases as “I like this book but it is too long”, “we’re in summer but it is cold”, “I want to rest but I have too much work” were forbidden in Sadhana. Why? Because of the “but” in them. “But” is an adversative conjunction, and that is the sting. “Adversative.” It makes adversaries of the two parts of the same sentence. It splits down the middle the person who speaks and things in that way. That destroys the unity of the person. In Sadhana we had to be careful because as soon as we were distracted and uttered a “but”, all lifted their hands in protest. We had to say “and”, not “but”. I like this book…, and it is too long, “we’re in summer and it is cold”, “I want to rest and I’ve too much work.”That is, I am the same person who wants to rest and who has too much work, but (sorry for the “but”), I’m not divided into two, I don’t have two identities, I’m not wrestling between work and rest; I’m just taking note of the present situation that is offering me two options and I go on choosing the one that at each moment appears as the right one to my unique and undivided person. This was the “but” chapter in Sadhana and a very healthy exercise it was. We learned much from it, and we surely laughed a lot.

I told my Polish friends, of whom I spoke, one of the more risqué of Tony’s anecdotes which do not appear in writings about him, but they understood it and enjoyed it, and that encourages me to tell it here. Tony was the spiritual father of young Jesuit seminarians in training, and one day he was counseling one of them in a routine interview in his room. Tony told us how, as they were both conversing, he began to feel some sexual attraction towards the young man. Tony was no homosexual, but he experienced normal attractions as anybody else, and then he realized with his keen awareness that the feeling was not allowing him to concentrate in what the young man was saying. Then he did what he felt he had to do. He simply told the young man about it, so that he was freed from his distraction, gained credibility, gave a greater depth and sincerity to the interview, lightened up the ensuing dialogue, and both the men came out edified and reassured by the new experience. This left us with a recent, typical, unusual example of Tony’s also unusual personality. He went on to tell the story of the psychologist who received in his consult a young lady who after a brief introduction told him shamefacedly: “Don’t tell me you wouldn’t like to have sex with me.” To which the psychologist answered unruffled: “Yes, I would like it…, and I’m not going to do it.” No show of indignation or protest, only a quiet statement of facts. Notice the importance of the “and” instead of the “but”. It is the same person who feels attracted and who rejects the invitation.No struggle between opposite feelings, and no split personality. I would like to do it, and I’m not going to do it. Perfect integration.