Question: Were you born joyful or did you learn it later?

Answer: Whether I was born that way I don’t know as I did not realise it at the time. And I make it clear that your question has pleased me, Ramiro. I do remember that ever since I was very small my mother used to say about my brother and me: ‘Josemari [my elder brother] will always oppose; while Carlos will always agree.’ He defined us both for life. When I was asked anything as a small child, like ‘Let us go visiting’, I always said yes, and if they proposed the opposite, ‘Let us remain at home’, I again said yes, and instead of just saying yes I always added, ‘Delighted!’ I’ve kept up the habit till this day. I like to agree.   

Tony de Mello almost ruined my attitude (although he did me a lot of good in other points). He told me at some moment in the nine month Sadhana course I did under him: ‘Carlos, you are too soft in your dealings with other. You agree to everything. That cannot be. And, please, do not say ‘delighted!’ again. I don’t want to hear that word from your lips again. You have to show a stronger character. You have to be assertive, incisive, aggressive.’ God knows I tried to be, and for some time I frowned and stared and cursed with my Sadhana companions. Never again being ‘delighted!’, but refusing if possible, and only a grunt for acceptance if at all I would agree. Better refusing for a start. I stuck to it for a time, but I felt unhappy and soon I came back to smiling and agreeing’. And I feel much happier.

Later in life I have learnt to positively foster joy in my life. Having close friends with whom to share everything and laughing at everything (which often is the best we can in the world we are in), smiling, telling them my funny stories and listening to their funny stories, and laughing loudly together. Feeling joyful in order to share my joy with other is my conscious task, my prayer, my secret. Not that I haven’t undergone hardships and suffering. I have, and in a large degree. But when I face hardships I tell myself I’m lucky to have them as they show I’m not just happy because I have an easy life but because I work at it and so I have a right to console others in their sufferings as I also have had and have mine. This is the limit of optimism: to rejoice at my sufferings because it is they that give depth to my joy and make it true and real. This I did learn by myself. My brother, by the way, whom I remember with all love in the world, suffered in later life for opposing everything.